Hello, lovelies! I’m back. Every single time I say I’m back, I leave again for another few months. But hello, I’m home in my blog again and I don’t know how much I need to explain myself. I actually wrote a really long blog post about exactly why I wasn’t blogging, where I was hiding, what I was doing. I didn’t publish it because I literally wrote it from my bathroom, when I was not in good health, and it’s dark, so I think I’ll try to explain it in a nicer way!
The first reason I’ve been away is because work is so busy! I’m just desk-ridden most of the time. Managing other people’s social media drains the passion from my own. I just really need that switch off time when I’m done for the day (which is often late). I just can’t seem to find the time for my own content!
Health, or lack of it
The second, and most disheartening, reason is because of my health. Basically, I’ve had numerous health issues ever since high school. After suffering many years of pain, I recently visited a doctor for further investigation into my endometriosis but what came from that was crazy. I’m not sure why I was tested for so many other things before they looked at the damage on my ovaries and pelvis, but they took 9 vials of blood from me and I had to have ultrasounds. I still don’t even know the results of my ultrasounds because the doctors became preoccupied with something else! My blood tests show that I have a vitamin D deficiency and I’m quite severely anaemic.
In terms of Vitamin D, I put it down to a lack of summer holidays! I have to take supplements twice a week for 7 weeks before having another blood test. In regards to the anaemia, it’s a pretty permanent thing. It probably stems from my vegetarian diet and internal bleeding. Close family members also have it so I’m not sure if its hereditary, I haven’t looked up too much information in case of the placebo effect.
All I know is, I am tired all the time and my boyfriend and I laugh because if I sit down I fall asleep but we thought I was just really good at sleeping! Everything exhausted me but I just caffeinated the crap out of myself and got on with it. How anaemic I actually am, shown in my blood results, was really surprising. To put it into perspective, the supplement I have to take is really strong and there is a warning to only take one as more than one is fatal…but I have to take three a day, every day from now on!
The pills weren’t the end of the story for me. Going from no iron to so much made me incredibly ill. I have had the week from hell and feel incredibly tested. I wish that the side effects of starting this dosage were outlined to me beforehand so I was prepared. Instead, I just felt so ill and so alone. I even called my mum at one point, crying, to tell her I could no longer take the pills. It’s really hard to know exactly what’s hurting you and then to continue to take it. But she explained that anaemia, untreated, only gets worse, and I can’t continue to put my heart under so much strain. I persevered.
It’s been nearly two weeks on now and I do feel better. I can go a full day without napping and my heart palpitations are lessening. I just can’t believe I was that ill and didn’t question it. The future of my endometriosis remains a mystery that myself and my GP are looking into. But I’m feeling better in myself and more confident that we’re getting closer to better treatments and potential surgery.
Among all of this, we have potentially also found a beautiful period property, a terraced house in a different area of London that we might be moving into. Think ornate fireplaces in every room, old wood floors, cute tiles and in a boutique style area. But, being freelance, the details are a little harder to iron out so that’s taking up my time too.
If you’re going through a hard health time, or live with chronic pain, just know that you’re not alone and everybody has those low moments where you believe no one else could possibly understand how painful your body is to live in. But they do. And, as hard as it is sometimes to be in your body, and as much as you might yell at it for what it’s doing to you, remember to still love it and give yourself credit. You wake it, you clean it, you clothe it, you feed it, you water it, you moisturise it, you take care of yourself and try to feel as human as possible.
It’s lovely to be back and I hope to share lots more with you soon, on my regular posting schedule of twice a week. (But definitely on much less personal topics!)