It’s a strange day to be on the internet today, I woke up to my own feelings and insecurities and it turns out, I am not the only one. Today, a lot of people are very angry at some video that a self confessed comedian posted online addressed to, quote on quote ‘fat people’, and this has led to wide discussion about what we are doing here- on the internet, not in the world, although that, too, is a concern of mine.
I feel a little bit inspired by this internet chat and basically, I am sat here, still in my pyjamas, trying to get my thoughts onto this webpage so, read this as I am saying it in my head, quickly and with a lot of confusion.
WHAT AM I DOING ON THIS LITTLE CORNER OF THE INTERNET AND WHY AM I DOING IT?! That’s a question everybody seems to be asking themselves lately and I’m going to type as I think, basically. So, my name is Hannah, I address you guys, my little lovelies, as little as twice a week but in the last month I have been talking to you every other day. (Can we appreciate that please, because it is not easy to keep that level of dedication when you are as busy and as tired as I have been).
WHAT IS THIS? Well, I would describe my little corner on the internet as being a kind of journaling space where I talk to you about how I feel and what I am up to and I do this because I grew up in a tiny town where there was nothing to do and now I have London as my playground and I want to share my excitement and my cool outings with you. As for the journaling side of things, I do that for myself and because I am a philosophy student. That means I think. About stuff. A lot. All the time. I have a lot of thoughts, I have a lot of feelings, I am extremely fascinated by the notion of happiness and what makes human creatures happy and if it is a realm we have to work to reach or, whatever, nobody cares. The point is, hence ‘Hannah’s Happy’, Hannah is, most of the time, happy and wants to talk about stuff on the internet to the little audience I have acquired.
AM I SHARING TOO MUCH OF MY PERSONAL LIFE ONLINE? This question bounced around my head for most of last night and all of this morning and the answer, honestly, is probably yes. Yes, I do. I tell you what I am doing, how I am feeling and, I’m not going to lie to you, there are a lot of posts on here that I have written and published privately. That means that only I, as admin of the website, can see them. Why do I do that? Well, don’t get me wrong, you guys are lovely. You guys are supportive. But sometimes, maybe a few times a month, I get this overwhelming fear that I have lost control, that I have written my personal thoughts out for the whole world to access and that scares me, and sometimes my website statistics scare me, to see so many of you reading my thoughts. So, sometimes, I panic and I make it private and it’s kind of like I let you borrow my diary to read in good faith and then changed my mind the moment you started reading it and I snatch that diary page right back out of your hands and lock it in my bedside drawer for only myself to access. Sorry.
SHOULD I LEAVE THE INTERNET?! I genuinely considered this over the last month. That’s kind of ironic because this month I wrote more posts than any other month that this website has existed and my stats skyrocketed higher than they ever have been before, which some would deem as success. But I guess, what I am trying to say is, sometimes the whole concept of my blog, because it is so personal, can be a scary thing to keep up with and maintain. This month I let you see my happy book and discussed bad days and, though the feedback was good, that’s a big thing to discuss so openly.
I don’t want to stop what I am doing, I just wanted to express what I am thinking and feeling regarding my blog right now. As my audience grows, I just want you to assess yourself. If you are a kind and curious person then keep reading, you are more than welcome here but if you aren’t interested then please just don’t come here because this little corner of the internet right here has been a truly wonderful, respectful little hub of people and that is what I am comfortable with and I don’t want that to change or for people to ever read something personal and respond with negativity because some of these topics are sentimental.
Basically, I am a real person. You are real people. What you think and say are important. The difference your existence makes is important. To reference the silly header image ‘you’re purrrfect’ and it is easy to become disheartened and want to hide away so that no one can make you question what you’re saying and sharing with the world but these talks are important to have.
Let me know if you, too, have questioned your presence on the internet!
Love Hannah x